Arm Rest "Rules"

I travel a lot. I am not trying to be boastful or misrepresent myself as a travel expert - rather, I am just stating a fact.

Throughout my travels I have had the fortunate experience of collecting a broad assortment of seatmates. Perhaps the most telling aspect of sharing the coach seating of intercontinental flights with another person is their "possession" of the armrest.

You see, I think of the armrest as a metaphor for life. There are those who consider the center armrest as a territory to capture and defend. There are those who consider the armrest to be a minor inconvenience for their expanding waistlines - and always want to lift the armrest to allow ease of seating. And, there are those who view the armrest as communal property that should be shared in a parsimonious manner. I prefer the later method an effective tool to make friends and influence others.

I like to take my armrest interactions one step further. I have always thought of the armrest as a chance to get to know the person seated next to me - without ever speaking a word. I think we can really send some pretty profound messages without ever opening our mouths. I prefer to keep my elbow within the allotted seating configuration of my assigned space. As my seatmate settles into their area - I adjust my posture to accommodate theirs. If we are both a bit uncomfortable and fidgety - I will slide slight to the side (away from the center rest) and allow my new friend more room to get comfortable. Inevitably we always end up sharing the armrest - allowing each person just the right amount of elbow time.

I just got off an 8-hour flight during which time my seatmate decided that the armrest was just not enough space. He continually jabbed his elbow into my side for the entire flight. Not great fun; and yet, a great lesson.

Sharing requires communication. At no time did I turn to him and say, “Can we split our flight into shared segments of time so that both of us have equal ‘center armrest’ time?” Rather, I huffed and twisted and turned. Hoping my body language would convey the message I neglected to vocalize with my words. As such, it was really my fault that I was jabbed the entire trip.

The metaphor, the lesson if you will, of the armrest is really quite simple. If we are ever going to change the world and allow for a more egalitarian distribution of resources – we need to learn to share the armrest . . . or communicate when things are just not working toward our needs.